Tag Archives: should i homeschool

Cornering Fear in Your Decision to Homeschool

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Are you making the right decision to homeschool this year?

So many parents speak to me about homeschooling their children this fall due to the new COVID regulations. I love homeschooling and wouldn’t want to educate my kids any other way.

I homeschool my children because I WANT to homeschool them. I believe I am the most qualified, the most invested, the most capable person to guide and supervise their education. It is NOT because I have my MD. So many people say that to me, “Well, you’re qualified to teach your kids. Other people aren’t. They shouldn’t be homeschooling.”

I call that lying. A degree does not denote conscientiousness, concern, or passion. Ever. Any education succeeds when curiosity blossoms, resources (minimal ones needed) are provided, and concern by a leader (parent/guardian/teacher) is manifested and acted on diligently according to the needs of each learner.

I homeschool because I believe in myself and my kids. I believe there is a better way to educate them so they are all-around healthy people, inside and out. Physically and mentally. Spiritually and wordly. I watch them. Enjoy being with them. Enjoy meeting the challenges they dish out to me and themselves head on.

I homeschool from a place of confidence garnered from the belief I can observe my children and see if they’re learning or not and make changes as needed to help them learn.

Many of you will begin homeschooling this fall due to fear. How is FEAR? How does FEAR feel? It freaking sucks.

Many of you are afraid to send your kids to school and you are ALSO afraid to homeschool. This makes you feel STUCK.

You are not stuck. You feel stuck. But you are not. Fear is bringing this about.

You have to let go of one of your fears, either your fear of a COVID school environment or your fear that you won’t do a good job at educating your children. If you don’t ditch one of these fears, you will remain unsatisfied and grumpy, angry at this new world we live in.

If you choose to ditch your homeschooling fear and embrace the fun of helping your kids learn, then best wishes to you! I am happy to share any of our homeschooling stories and experiences. Just comment below.

But whichever choice you make, do it from confidence that this is the right thing and you can make this work. For homeschooling: Think of something you have confidence in. Something you know you can do well. You walked into that arena with the open mind that you could do it. You didn’t start off good at that thing–because none of us do. We all have to develop that “being good at something.” You can have confidence that you can make homeschooling work.

For sending them back to school: Think of someone you have confidence in. Someone you trust well. You walked into that relationship with an open mind that there are people in life to trust. You didn’t start off trusting. Been burned too many times for that. But you developed trust and confidence eventually in the person. You can have confidence that the administrators are trying hard to do what’s best for your kids. That they’ll make this work.

Which place do you want to place your confidence? That’s for you to decide. But, somehow, you have to come to the 2020-2021 education table with confidence and not fear.

Five Reasons My Mom Thought I’d Fail At Homeschooling

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You’ve got naysayers breathing down your back about homeschooling?  Well, if it makes you feel any better, my mom didn’t think I had what it took to be a homeschooler.  Something along the line of, “We’ll see how long this lasts.”  Thanks for your vote of confidence, mom, but I appreciate your honesty.  It made me determined.  She was right, you know.  I don’t fault the doubts she had one bit.  How was a short-tempered medical doctor who appreciated alone time to herself going to deal with kids all day, every day, much less teach them?

Mama’s Doubts

We are now entering our seventh year of homeschooling.  I have four kids, about the ages of 11, 9, 6, and 1.  My kids, husband, and I are exceptionally satisfied with how homeschooling is going.  So what made my mom raise her eyebrows and predict my kids would be hightailed to school in a heartbeat?

1.  I like my alone time.  There is no doubt.  Homeschooling families are TOGETHER.  All the time.  A homeschool mom (or dad, if that’s who does the bulk of the teaching) is dinged like a bell ALL DAY LONG.  Unless you sacrifice sleep, which I’m not usually willing to do, finding a balance of self and kids is tough.  Thankfully, my husband is often able to take on the four kids by himself and let me have a quiet hour.
2. I naturally lean toward impatient and irritable.  Let’s face it.  Perfectionistic people like things done their way or the highway.  Homeschooling has been a fun way to rein in my expectations and learn to communicate better in a more positive way.  I can definitely see that I get easier to get along with each year.  Maybe it’s just that I get more worn down, but regardless, it’s better.
3. I don’t like clutter.  I once read, years ago before I started homeschooling and was still in the preparation reading stages, that homeschool moms needed to brace themselves for two things:  1)  a messier house  2)  some extra pounds.  That stuck in my mind, preparing me for things to come.  I hate clutter.  Hate it.  But with four kids of different ages, it’s something we deal with every day.
4. I am not a gushy mom.  When people ask if I’ll be homeschooling in high school, I bust out belly laughing.  When I was planning our homeschooling journey, I saw myself teaching the kids algebra and calculus and classical literature.  Organized.  Logical.  Sitting still.  I did not see myself gluing and pasting and singing and nature walking.  Oh, sigh.  I love my kids to pieces.  I’m kind.  And I’m learning patience.  But don’t make me play Ring Around the Rosie or cut out a butterfly or gush over your 50th fairy drawing.  I’m practical, not touchy-feely and lovey.
5. I was a working medical doctor.  This probably blew my mom’s mind the most.  Why did I go to medical school just to stay home with kids?  Well, when I went to medical school and residency, I didn’t have kids, did I?  And I wasn’t sitting around thinking about them either.  Kids came along.  Kids change things.  Yes, it kind of hurt and stung to leave my colleagues behind (or what it actually felt like was that I was getting left behind), and it usually feels like I left my brain behind too.  But 98% of the time, I have no regrets.

You’re Right, Mom…

So, Mom.  You were right to question me and draw me up to prepare for the battle.  Thank you!  I could have easily failed and packed those girls off, not just to school, but to boarding school!  Instead, I met your challenge, and I think we’re doing right well.  How?

1. Be a self-examiner.  Was I too harsh?  Am I too lenient?  Am I preoccupied with perfection?  Am I comparing my kids to others?  Am I spending too much time on the phone?  Each move I make throughout the day, I try to measure its impact on my goals for my children’s education (and their lives in general).  Without self-examination and a desire to improve, I would be a terrible homeschooler.
2. Love to learn and teach.  I’ve always loved to teach.  Sometimes I step back when I’m irritated when teaching my kids and try to pretend that I’m teaching someone else’s child.  It usually (always?) brings out a nicer teacher.
3. Love my kids.  We all love our kids, I know.  So this is kind of a weird one to put.  But man, I love my kids and I often try to envision their futures.  What they’ll need to succeed.  Am I giving them the tools they need?
4. Know when I’ve reached my limit and know to stop and take time to change tactics or educate myself or get help.  Kids can be big stressors in small packages.  It’s hard to understand, and when things are going well or our kids are grown up, we even forget how stressful they really can be.  When I’m feeling squeezed, for whatever reason, I stop and regroup.  Change things up.  Get a babysitter.  Ask my husband to do a little more.  Take a break.  Read on how somebody else tackled the same problem.  It always helps.

Closing

I’m not really giving tips here, and I don’t mean to talk about myself.  But I do want others to know that people will always question our choices.  I’m glad they do, and if I can open a good dialogue with them and not let my feelings get hurt, I can rise up and overcome.  If people are wondering if you should homeschool, ask yourself the same question.  Write down deterrents.  Write down a way to make each deterrent a strength, or at least a non-obstacle.  Write down your strengths and how you’ll manipulate those strengths to succeed in homeschooling.  With diligence and an open heart, you’ll succeed.

~~Terri

Homeschooling Thought: Individualism and Family

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A craft one of the girls made up. Crafting is definitely not my thing--but hey--it's hers and that's special.

A craft one of the girls made up. Crafting is definitely not my thing–but hey–it’s hers and that’s special.

This morning I cleaned up a crafting mess in the schoolroom, a beautiful beaded bracelet made by my 9 year-old daughter.  Crafted all on her own.  I had nothing to do with any of it because I hate crafts.  On Wednesday, a homeschooled high school student is visiting my home to sift through my closet, with the intent to help me become more fashion savvy.  To help me learn my body type, how I should choose clothes based on my body type, and which colors suit me best.  Because I am stuck in black yoga pants and an Indianapolis Colts’ t-shirt.  A few weeks ago I bought pumpkins from a seventh-grade homeschooled entrepreneur hoping to make some extra bucks selling pumpkins of all sizes from his family’s hook-up trailer.  Because he was so cute and I wanted to make some pumpkin pie.

Homeschooling done properly strongly promotes individualism.  Is that scary?  Is that scary to a government?  To an institution?  To a person?

Homeschooling done properly strengthens families.  Is that scary?  To a government?  To an institution?  To a population?

However, consider too that homeschooling done properly also strongly promotes a clarity of how a student’s individualism fits into the context of a society, most often the family (for most of us, no small task)–and also commonly within a church community and/or in the teamwork of extra-curricular activities.

I am grateful for the opportunity to homeschool.  To watch my children blossom and learn their individual strengths and weaknesses in the safe harbor of our loving home.  I am grateful that they have the opportunity to become strong women, free to follow their own course, but learning that to succeed in life and relationships, it requires learning to respect and work with others to achieve a higher goal for all.

Is homeschooling detrimental to a society?  To a nation?

Happy Thanksgiving time to all here in the US.  Practice gratefulness in all things but don’t ever stop working and striving to make your world a better place in the small ways that you can.  In your home, your workplace, your community, your dinner choices, your children, your homeschooling, your marriage, your church.  In all things.

~~Terri

Why I Don’t Like Homeschooling

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Hey.  It’s quite the thing nowadays.  Homeschooling.  Everyone’s doing it.  They’re telling you why they love it.  Why it’s right for them.  But what about the flip side?

We love homeschooling!  We think it’s the tops!  Every good thing, though, has its drawbacks.  So to be fair, here are some of its challenging aspects.

Title One, Which Draws Interest: Why I Don’t Like Homeschooling.
Title Two, Which I Prefer:  What Makes Homeschooling a Great, Fun Challenge?

Lack of alone time.  “I’m sorry, brain, did you say something?”  There’s just about no such thing as alone time.  On the spectrum, I require high levels of alone time (in my house), and this has been my biggest challenge!  A helpful spouse and skillful use of a babysitter has helped ease the pain.

Messy house.  Entropy at its finest.  Oh, the clutter.  Glitter.  Glue.  Shoes.  Dishes.  Laundry.  Spills.  Another spill. 

Three meals a day.  More dishes.  “I know it’s 2 o’clock, but come on, can’t we just get through history and poetry BEFORE I make lunch?”

wpid-IMAG0656-1.jpg

If you can deal with sassy, you’re 75% there!

Dealing with sassy.  “‘Don’t-ch-you’ roll your eyes at me…”  When my first instinct is to yell, fuss, and holler, my newly trained response has become to bite my tongue ’til it bleeds and speak softly with a voice dripping sweet tones of kindness.  It works.  My tongue is so swollen I can’t say anything I’ll regret.

Rainy days.  Indoor recess.

Juggling different age-levels of learning.  “How about some Mickey Mouse Clubhouse?”  I’d say my youngest child is the rate-limiting factor in progression of our school day.  Sometimes it’s difficult to keep the older ones focused with little interruptions and disturbances.

Also, we try to do the same subjects at the same time for each child, but this gets challenging for math, grammar, phonics, and spelling due to age differences.  So I’m learning flexibility.

Flexibility.  Just call  me a wet noodle.  It is no longer, “My way or the highway.”  It’s all about finding a, maybe creative, way to get needed tasks, living, and learning accomplished.  Sadly, I still prefer it my way.

Wondering if “I’m doing it right.”    Most of the time a homeschooling parent knows everything is going fine, but sometimes doubt creeps in.  Especially when you talk to another homeschooling parent or see a friend’s extra-bright school kid.  “Your kid does what/reads what/plays what/memorizes what/writes how? –Oh, well, that’s great.”  Shoot, I’d better get on the ball!

"Hey--you! I didn't graduate from Indiana University with my 'Mrs.', don't you know."

“Hey–you! I didn’t graduate from Indiana University with an ‘MRS’, you know.”

Losing my identity to the world.  Nobody knows what you used to do. Nobody cares where you went to college or what you majored or mastered or doctorated in.  You are a stay-at home parent.  H-o-m-e-m-a-k-e-r.  Heck, your kids don’t even know or care.  Once, my husband said to my kids, “Your mom’s a doctor.”  “Nuh-uuuh.  She’s mommy.”  And that, folks, is why I do this.  That is one heck of a compliment.

It’s all me.  School doesn’t happen without me.  My devoted presence allows school to be conducted in about a quarter of the time.  If I manage a phone call, the plumber’s visit, or try to clean the kitchen, pretty much school stops.  (Probably because I’m not doing it right.)  It’s a bit annoying that I can’t get anything done sometimes without falling behind in school! (Flexibility.  Yuck.)

Bad days.  Scrap days.  The days you throw up your hands and say, “Get outta’ here.  Go.  Go play.”

My kids.  Oops.  Slip.  I guess homeschooling wouldn’t be an option without my kids.  They’re the best.  But I won’t lie.  Homeschooling (and parenting) is a lot of work and a great challenge.  It requires a lot of time and energy and creates so much worry, frustration, and fear. (Wish they’d say that when they show all those stupid “baby bumps” in People magazine.) But spontaneous hugs and “I love yous” as the kids speed through the living room on the way outside –well, I can’t even explain what that’s worth.

“Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.”  Neil Postman (NOT John Whitehead)

All the best to you today.  Hope maybe you found something useful here.  Terri

You may (or may not) be interested in the following posts:

Why We Homeschool

Parenting Mission Statement

I Could Never Homeschool My Kids

Why We Homeschool

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Nature walk leaf identification.

Nature walk leaf identification.

We are two medical doctors who planned on homeschooling before we even had kids, as soon as hopes of living close to my family faded away.  Whaa, whaa.  We are entering our fifth year, and we absolutely love it still.  I laugh when people say, “Well, I suppose you can go back to work when you put them in high school!”

Personally, I’m just biding my time here in this trying elementary school period.  I can’t wait for the good stuff:  trig, calculus, physiology, and chemistry!

“Put them in school…”  I don’t think so!  We’ve got a clause in our will about continuing homeschooling!

The list below doesn’t even begin to capture all the reasons we enjoy homeschooling, but it’s a start.

1.  For ease of travel planning.  Homeschooling allows us to schedule our trips without a fear of truancy or teaching our kids it’s okay to skip out on obligations.

Homeschooling allows us to up and leave whenever we want to go visit family in another state.  No begging partners to get spring break or Christmas vacation off.

2.  For foreign language introduction at a young age.  We’ve all read that language development occurs most easily in children, how learning

We got to observe this baby robin cracking out of its egg.

We got to observe this baby robin cracking out of its egg.

one language facilitates the brain’s ability to learn other languages, and how children who learn a language as a child don’t struggle with an accent.

I want to give my children the gift of language; Spanish is a part of our curriculum.  The ability to share with more people, gather ideas from more people, learn from more people, help more people, and read another culture’s literature is invaluable.

3.  For accelerating learning in areas of academic strength.  Homeschooling allows a parent to closely observe strengths and move ahead when indicated.  I closely observe each one of my children, like I used to observe the vital signs in my ICU patients, using all the clues to tell me what’s going well and what’s working.  There’s no boredom from unneeded repetition of already mastered material.  We plow onward.

4.  For decelerating progression and working on areas of academic weaknesses.  For one child of mine, there was a few years of angst when it “just wasn’t clicking.”  Slow in phonics, reading, handwriting, and poor concentration in math.

The glory was–I could slow down and wait. Take different approaches.  Look up or ask for help.  We found a great place called “Core” in Sumter, SC where they helped her with pencil grip and hand strength for handwriting.  Rather than force phonics and silent reading, I read aloud to her.  Her verbal understanding was [is] phenomenal.  Math, we continue to work on concentration.  Homeschooling shines when you’re a parent who takes interest in tailoring learning to each child.

Mandatory instrument learning prior to graduation.

Mandatory instrument learning prior to graduation.

5.  For socialization among people of all ages. It doesn’t make sense that society funnels kids of one age into a classroom of 30 kids with one adult.  At recess children are around 100 other kids just as silly as they are, with very minimal supervision.  On the other hand, at our homeschool functions, we have eighth graders teaching drawing to elementary school kids and fifth graders helping second graders arrange “electrons” in their proper orbitals in our once monthly chemistry class.  In our home, my 9 year-old learns to amuse my 4-year-old so I can teach my middle daughter.  At the grocery store, the girls interact with the cashier.  At nursing home visits, the kids make crafts with eighty year olds.  On Tuesday nights, they get to dance their hearts out with kids their age at ballet class.  On Friday mornings, us moms try to hold periodic coffees so the kids can play together and “get socialized.”  My kids are learning respect for ALL ages, young and old, and, I hope, learning that each person has a gift to teach us.

6.  To allow time for extra kinds of learning.

  • Sewing lessons (from an acquaintance)
  • Spanish lessons (from a tutor)
  • Drawing lessons from You Tube
  • Piano lessons, specializing in playing by ear and chords and scales (from mom–that’s me)
  • Gardening
  • Cooking
  • Specific delves into areas of history that they find fascinating
  • Nature walks
  • Arts and crafts of their own choosing

7.  To provide an atmosphere in which personality strengths and weaknesses are observed and molded, in a loving and caring fashion, without belittling, mocking, or teasing.  Here in my home, I hope to give the kids the tools they need to not be undermined by the world and what other people think about them.  We socialize enough that my kids have been made fun of, talked about, had hurt feelings, gotten angry, and been irritating.  But I am there.  I see it.  I help them acknowledge their role in the drama.  Or the fairness or unfairness of the other people.  Together we work to help them understand a little better what’s happening and how they’re feeling.

A craft one of the girls made up.

A craft one of the girls made up.

8.  To allow a diverse curriculum:  Spanish, Latin, poetry, art, piano, sewing, cooking, math, science, classical reading, intensive phonics, grammar, and so forth.

9.  To avoid the rat race of pick-up, drop-off, remembering lunches, remembering party days, remembering to bring home or take back books and homework.  School has a lot of unnecessary “busy-ness” which makes it pretty stressful for parents (and kids).  I really feel this gets minimized in homeschooling.  Recently I had to deal with having just one kid in preschool.  The snacks, “dress-up” days, field trips, and parties were difficult to keep up with.  I couldn’t even imagine having all three in school.

10.  To provide instruction in day-to-day habits, such as making beds, making lunch, sorting and folding laundry, and watering the garden.  Sad to say, I don’t think I ever did a load of laundry before I left my mom’s house.  For the first year of college, I was washing my clothes in Downy only.  I thought it was detergent.  A crying shame.

Dr. Seuss party.

Dr. Seuss party.

11.  To share the quality time of day together before we’re all exhausted in the evening. 

12.  For one of the biggest challenges in my life.  “What do you mean?” you ask.  E-mail me.

Mission statement:  To raise daughters who are physically, mentally, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy.