Tag Archives: family

Why Would You Quit?

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2/25/2022

I forget that quitting your career as a medical doctor to homeschool your children intrigues some people. “Why would you go through all that work and then quit?” It was mentioned to me a couple of times this last week, so I thought I might write a little more about this today and in the weeks to come. There was a lot of processing to do to swallow my pride and follow the path I knew I needed to take.

Deciding to stop practicing medicine was a hard, humbling decision, but the decision was already made for me by the fabric of who I am and what drives me.

There is nothing on this Earth more important to me than the integrity and well-being of my family. Every decision I make revolves around the stability, wholeness, and health of our unit.

I don’t care what the world says. Children are given to parents to foster, encourage, instruct, care for, nurture, feed, provide for, learn about, and develop a relationship with. A secure family is truly an amazing, comforting flat stone which your foot rests firmly on when you’re stuck in the mud of the world and can’t see your feet beneath the sludge. You stand on that stone strong and know that you can’t sink because it’s there, holding you steady till you can get out.

I Can Do It

I believe that somewhere says to every mother, “You are the best woman in the world to care for these kids. Can you do it?”

When I was asked, I stepped up boldly, and I said, “I CAN. I will do it. I will take my job seriously. I won’t let anyone down. My life depends on it.”

My life depends on it??!? Yeah. Frankly, I can see into the future. Well, not like that. But I am pretty sure that I’m going to be a pretty worried and frazzled mom for the rest of my life if my kids get into drugs, alcohol, choose a crummy husband, can’t hold a job, suffer from mental illness, can’t handle their finances responsibly, or can’t figure out how to parent their own children positively and responsibly. I want to be a dump and run grandma, not a raising grandma.

When I was in high school, my mom once remarked to me, “One of the most important things you can do is keep your kids off drugs and alcohol.” I observed, after she pointed this out to me, that many of my friends got involved in drugs and alcohol in high school, so I decided the time up to this time and this time itself, must be very, very formative, difficult times for children. (Duh?!) I challenged myself that when I had kids, I would work very hard to help them have the tools that my mom and dad gave to me which steered me away from drugs and alcohol.

From my mom, I learned how to be an emotionally connected and involved mom. From my mom, I also learned that a mom can show enough interest and give enough help in her children’s schooling that they can become lifelong learners and great students. My mom, from a poverty-stricken household of seven kids, only completed high school, but she could do basic math, spelling, and grammar, and she helped me do those things as long as she could, till my academic knowledge surpassed hers.

My mom was the best woman to raise me, and she took that seriously. Now, it’s my turn. And one day, it will, perhaps, be my children’s turn to answer the question, “You are the best woman for this job. Can you do it?”

What’s Inside Your Box?

Good mothering sets my kids up for peace, joy, and happiness. FROM THE INSIDE OUT. NOT THE OUTSIDE IN. There are many, many, many, many, many “boxes” (households/families) in the United States which put up the appearance of happiness. Inside, though, is a pain and hurt that I can’t imagine. I know it. I hear it first-hand. I’ve seen it. Severe verbal abuse and belittlement. Manipulation. Physical abuse. Molestation. Depression. Alcoholism. Drug parties. Denial. Hidden anxiety. Anger. Rage. 

Well, I’m growing long. I quit my career because I know myself well. I had to invest in my family. Even if it meant giving up money, prestige, power, reputation, helping others, and years of hard work. In order for my family to have what I wanted it to have, this is what I needed to do. I want true happiness for people. An inner happiness that can’t be stolen. I want it for me, and so I took it.

My “box” (my home and family) is genuinely happy. Sometimes I hesitate to say it. Like I have something I don’t deserve. Or I have something I shouldn’t tell others about. Or if I say it, it will all crumble away, and I’ll be made a fool. Or people will think I don’t have bumps in the road. Or I’ll be labeled a white woman born into it.

But, yet, if I don’t say it, perhaps it won’t be known that it is possible to have true peace, joy, and fulfillment within families. Perhaps people won’t realize that each decision they make is impactful, that if they didn’t just go around doing it the way it’s done or hiding from the hurt or choosing things which distract from the integrity of their families, that they could have that true peace and calm they are searching for in their families.

Well, anyway. Have a great Friday and weekend. Remember, the world happens, but nobody can steal our inner peace unless we give it away. So if you’re angry or unhappy, you’re giving your peace away. 

Terri F.

 

**Note: The only thing in front of my family is my Faith. I would be wrong if I didn’t mention this because that is how I know to go after the Peace that can’t be stolen.

Claiming Your Identity

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We are back from yet another wonderful visit with family and friends at home in Indiana.  My husband and I were childhood sweethearts, so we are lucky in that home is home for both of us.  Today I am catching up on bills, sequestering fruit flies from a piece of fruit gone bad on the counter while we were gone, and killing mildew on clothes left inadvertently in the washing machine for ten days.

I am looking at an invoice to the local YMCA.  It is addressed to Dr. and Mrs. Fites.  Normally, I’d just write the check and send it off.  But today, I crossed through Dr. and Mrs. Fites and wrote The Doctors Fites above it.  Why?  Why does it matter?  Why am I feeling so pesky about this today?  I am typically the last person to care what you call me, as long as you don’t make me cry.

I’ll tell you why.  With the addition of our fourth child to our family, I’ve gotten less and less time.  Which makes me feel less and less like me.  And less and less like a valuable contributor to society.  I KNOW this is not right!  My husband tells me every  day how my raising our daughters makes a difference in our lives, their lives, and to how they fit into society.  And I am very comfortable staying home, cooking, cleaning, learning, and teaching.  Yet, the loss of control that a toddler imparts to a home and life is challenging for some of us.  Toddlers make you forget things.  Toddlers make you lose things.  Toddlers scream.  Toddlers are unpredictable.  Toddlers leave no cabinet, drawer, shelf, or basket unturned.  Toddlers don’t let you cook when you want.  Sleep when you want.  Exercise when you want.

However, it’s not just about the toddler.  Two days ago I decided to spruce up the living area.  My daughters all came in, “Ooh.  Mom.  That looks nice.”  Then, they decided they all had ideas too on where things should go and how they should be placed.  In MY living room.  Mine.  Mine.  Mine.  My head.  My space.  My time.  Mine.

No.  Hard stop.  Wait.  It’s a family of six.  Brain–take a ticket.  You’re sixth in line.

So, today, I am Doctor Fites.  Tomorrow, I will go back to being Terri.  Mom.  Or Mrs.  Even “Hey, You.”

But not today.  (Smile.)

Do you ever feel like life spins around you, and so, sometimes, you stamp your foot and say, “Not today.  Today I get what I earned.”?  Today, I am ____________________.  Insert your word.  Insert what you worked for and don’t want to leave completely behind.  You earned it.

Back to bills.

Molly Green Magazine Published Twenty Tips I Wrote Up To Help Families With Diet Change

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“Is this Your New Year’s Resolution?  Tips to Transition to a Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free Lifestyle,” an excerpt from Molly Green Magazine

(an article by Terri Fites)

“. . . Expect resistance and outside cheating. There may be fits, pouting, defiance, and outside cheating. Failure, both intentional and unintentional, will occur. Be prepared to regroup, identify chinks in the plan, and get back on track. Remember how manyMG 1 times you had (have) to tell your kids to say “please” before they actually did (do) it!

Recognize the difference between an allergy and intolerance/sensitivity.

Tell kids what symptoms you’re watching for so they can recognize when they disappear or worsen in response to diet. Kids with uncomfortable symptoms like stuffy noses, sneezing, coughing, constipation, upset stomachs, headaches, eczema, reflux, and trouble focusing often will self-regulate their diets once they get to feeling better . . .”

Click HERE for the FULL ARTICLE.

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Molly Green MagazineIf you’re interested, I wrote an article for Molly Green Magazine, a magazine all about the home:  homeschooling, homemaking, home industry, and homesteading.  Titled “Tips to Transition to a Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free Diet,” my article highlights what I learned as I transitioned my food-sensitive family to a whole foods, gluten-free, and dairy-free diet.  I do not get paid to write; it is a hobby I enjoy.  I just thought if you were struggling to pull your family along to better, whole foods eating, and working through some food elimination, you might enjoy the article.  (And I don’t think it’s fair to blog readers or magazine readers to replicate material verbatim.)  My kids and I did not really come willingly to this lifestyle, but even they can now admit that they feel better.  You can get this magazine edition for free.  There are some other great articles in there, too, which actually tie right in with the theme of this blog (nutrition, homeschooling, families, etc):

  • Cilantro/Coriander: One Plant with Many Applications
  • Why My Husband and I Still Hold Hands
  • Cultivating Talent and Passion in Children
  • Could You Grow Your Own Food in a Crisis?
  • Basic Hive Protection (about bees)
  • The Emotions of Butchering
  • Meal Planning 101: How to Get It Done
  • Fighting the Winter Blues

Molly Green Magazine 2I believe the editor told me they were going to make my article from Molly Green Magazine into a one-page lay out that may be hung on the refrigerator, in case that’s something that would interest you.  Although its title suggests that I’m simply interested in gluten-free and dairy-free changes, you’ll know from reading my blog that that is not the case.  So many of the health ailments of our society are directly linked to poor nutrition.  I focus on getting people to eat whole foods, lots of vegetables and fruits, and then watching out for side effects of foods, adjusting things as needed.

It is two weeks into January.  If you have failed, IT IS OKAY.  Do not use that chip as an excuse to throw away a perfectly good mug.  Get back to work.  One day at a time.  And weave that into strings of days at a time.  And eventually, create a masterpiece diet just for you to last a whole lifetime.  DON’T GIVE UP.  If you do, CPAP machines, multiple prescriptions, and a more and more sedentary life await you.

~~Terri

 

There’s Nothing Wrong With Simplifying Things

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wpid-IMAG0940.jpgTry saying “no” to others outside of your house this week.

Try saying “yes” to those inside of your house this week.

Protect those evening hours for family as long, as hard, and as often as you can this year.

Decide to withdraw yourself and your children from activities that no longer seem beneficial for those involved.  You know the ones.  The ones your spirit grumbles inside about.  Try the activity again next year as the kids are older or life has changed.  Feel guilty a moment and then live in the freedom.  Find peace, but don’t be selfish.   It’s not about you.  It’s about family dynamics. You can teach Sunday School when the kids are older.  The kids can take up piano in fifth grade rather than kindergarten.  You can play in the volleyball league next year. 

You need help.  Do chores together with those in the house.  Laugh when they don’t do it right.  And then laugh at yourself because you’re upset that they’re not folding a towel right.  You heard me.  Folding a towel right.

Get rid of stuff, and don’t buy more.  Clutter hurts.  Having extra money in a pinch soars.

Get off of media and technology.  I swear we’re raising a generation that can’t communicate, relate, and recognize reality.  I refuse to accept that for my children.  (Got to go now myself.)

There’s nothing wrong with simplifying things.  Go on.  Give it a try.  You can.  You’re allowed.  What are you afraid of?

(BOO!)

Still in the draft bin:  Beet Salad and More Metametrix